When someone challenges me — their attitude sharp, their behavior difficult — I remind myself of one thing: I do not know what they are carrying.

I may be fiercely critical of who they are and what they do. That’s honest. But I believe we owe difficult people something even so. Not conversation. Not connection. Not forgiveness. Something more demanding than that.

We owe them the attempt to understand – practical empathy.

That means getting into their head and heart.

Standing in their shoes.

Feeling what they feel.

Seeing the world the way they see it — not to agree with it, but to understand what they are living with and living through.

If you have even one fact about their life, use it. Let the truth inform your empathy. Give it something real to stand on.

This is practical empathy. And it costs nothing. Excepet your time and desire to put in the empathy effort. The difficult person may never know you did it. That doesn’t matter. It is a form of respect — for them, yes, but also for your own integrity. For the kind of person you choose to be.

Then ask yourself something harder:

How does it feel to have empathy for someone who makes it difficult? A narcissist, punisher, toxic being?

Sit with that.

And consider this: Goodwill has limits.

There are people and moments where something rises up inside you and says — “No. I won’t. I’ve given enough. They do not deserve this from me.”

That is a choice too. A legitimate one.

Empathy is not surrender.

Goodwill is not inexhaustible.

Sometimes the most honest thing you can do is acknowledge that you’ve reached the edge of what you’re willing to give.

And you stop there. Because stopping — going no further — is itself a form of goodwill.

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

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This also matters – Factual Empathy

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