The Polite Door –

The world has a polite way of showing older people the door.

“You’ve earned it. Time to relax. Enjoy your retirement.”

It sounds kind. Sometimes it is. But too often it carries a second meaning: Step aside. Get out of the way. Your time is over.

For years I worked as a headhunter for major corporations. I sat in meetings where brilliant candidates were quietly passed over because of a birth year. Nobody said it out loud in the job listing. They didn’t have to.

Later, in my late 50s and 60s, when I applied for work, I felt the same door closing, politely, from the other side. “You have too much experience. Why not rest into retirement?”

The culture is changing. More of us Sagers are working longer, starting businesses, writing books, and refusing to disappear. But it isn’t changing fast enough. Ageism, forced retirement, quiet layoffs, and the steady message to make room for younger people still push talented, experienced people out of the places that need them most.

Ageing can bring real challenges, losses, fears and worries: health, finances, loneliness, and more. I feel them too. But challenges are only half the story, and it’s the only half our culture tells.

What keeps me going strong, with joy, good humor, and passion, is how I’ve redefined my ageing. I see myself as Vintage, getting better with age like a fine bottle of wine. That’s the heart of Sagerism. I call the daily practice Vintageing, and the depth it brings Vintageness. I don’t just believe it. I feel it and live it, with depth and integrity.

So let’s say it clearly, for ourselves and for everyone who comes after us:

We are not disappearing. We are deepening.

What follows are 12 truths about growing older. Each one has two parts: what the science shows, and what the heart already knows. Some come from decades of research. Some come from a lifetime of living. All of them are reasons to stand tall and live your life full out.

The Twelve Truths

1. We are steadier

The science: Psychologist Susan Turk Charles and her colleagues followed three groups of adults over 23 years and found that negative emotions tended to decline with age. Her later review found that, barring dementia-related illness, mental health generally improves as we grow older. Stanford psychologist Laura Carstensen has spent decades explaining why. Researchers call this the Paradox of Ageing.

The heart: We’ve spent decades practicing in the space between feeling and doing, and we’ve strengthened our minds. We don’t need to react to every storm. We’ve learned to notice, name, and choose. (I wrote more about this in “The Space Between.”)

2. We are wiser

The science: In a 2010 study published in PNAS, Igor Grossmann and his colleagues gave people real-world conflicts to think through. Older adults scored higher on wise reasoning. They saw more perspectives, expected that situations could change, and admitted the limits of what they knew. The gains held even though fluid intelligence, our quick problem-solving ability, declined with age.

The heart: Wisdom isn’t knowing all the answers. It’s knowing that the other person has a story too, and that you might be wrong and can learn new things even as you grow age. Or shouls I say especially as you age.

3. We know more

The science: A 2015 study by Joshua Hartshorne and Laura Germine tested tens of thousands of people online. Different mental abilities peaked at different ages. Vocabulary kept growing and peaked in the late 60s to early 70s.

The heart: For more than 6 years, I’ve written and published every single day, more than 2,200 posts in a row. I write each one by hand first. The words keep coming, deeper than when I started. We carry more words, more stories, and more of the world than we often think about. That’s a library no one else can replace or dismisss.

4. We are skilled

The science: Economists Christian Göbel and Thomas Zwick studied data covering nearly seven million German employees. Workplaces with mixed-age teams saw higher productivity among older workers, and the younger workers became more productive too, because they learned from their elders’ expertise.

The heart: As a headhunter, I saw companies throw this opportunity and human connection away again and again. Expertise takes decades to build. It can’t be faked, rushed, or downloaded. People of all ages should work and learn together.

5. We have perspective

The science: Surveys across 63 countries found that during the first spring of the COVID-19 pandemic, younger people were more stressed, anxious, and depressed than older adults. One U.S. study of nearly 1,400 older adults, led by Loren Toussaint, found that people over 65 found the pandemic less stressful and reported a stronger sense of meaning in life.

The heart: At 58, I lost my job. I was scared. I didn’t know who would hire me or how I would make a living. So I worked through it carefully. With the help of friends, I went back to coaching school and reinvented myself. I’ve experienced turbulance before. I knew this one would pass too and as I worked through it, I found greater direction and true meaning for my life.

6. We know who we are

The science: Carl Jung called it individuation: the lifelong work of becoming your whole, true self. He believed the afternoon of life is when that work deepens, as we turn from proving ourselves to discovering ourselves. (I explore this more in “A New Beginning – Your Afternoon of Life.”)

The heart: As an actor, I spent years on stages, playing other people. Every chapter since as a headhunter and Career Coach has taught me more about who I really am: someone who cares about people and does the work with integrity. I don’t need a role anymore. I’m living as my true self.

7. We choose what matters

The science: Carstensen’s socioemotional selectivity theory explains why we grow steadier. When we sense that our time is precious, we invest it in what matters most: close relationships, meaningful work, and joy.

The heart: Time doesn’t shrink our lives. It focuses them. We choose our people, our work, and our battles with greater care and brilliance.

8. We care less about approval

The science: In research reviewed by Susan Turk Charles, older adults dwelled less on criticism and reacted to it less negatively than younger adults did.

The heart: I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind and say what I believe or listen to what people had to say. My integrity held even when I felt alone in my opinion. That included turning down clients who discriminated. With age, comparison loosens its grip. We stop living for the applause, and that is real freedom.

9. We are resilient

The science: In the same pandemic research, older adults were more likely to forgive hard circumstances, such as illness and disaster, and that forgiveness was linked to better mental health.

The heart: I keep going. I keep growing and learning, and I use everything I know to branch out into new fields. I started coaching at 58. I opened a real estate business at 60. I published a book at 74. Every loss and opportunity we’ve experienced taught us how to rise again, to be resilient, to renew and rethink who we are and what we do.

10. We are grateful

The science: In a 2003 study, psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough asked people to write down what they were grateful for. Compared with people who listed daily hassles, they felt better about their lives and were more optimistic. Adults living with chronic illness who kept a daily gratitude list even slept longer and woke more refreshed.

The heart: Gratitude is a foundation for my life and work, part of every single day. We know the value of an ordinary morning, a good cup of coffee, and a friend’s voice.

11. We have so much to give

The science: Psychologist Erik Erikson called it generativity: the desire to guide and give to the next generation. In a randomized trial of 702 adults aged 60 and older, those who volunteered in elementary schools through the Experience Corps program felt more strongly that they were making a difference, and the more they gave, the stronger the effect.

The heart: I spent 20 years finding people jobs in New York City. Today, as a career coach, I use that knowledge to inspire people as they look for work and reinvent themselves, especially those 50 to 70 and beyond. They are not finished yet, and I want to help them reach their afternoon dreams and plans. Mentoring, stories, lessons learned the hard way: these are gifts worth giving, and giving them keeps us alive and growing. We have age value. No one can take that away. And – Don’t let them.

12. Believing it makes it true

The science: In 2002, Yale researcher Becca Levy published a study of 660 people aged 50 to 94, followed for 23 years. Those with positive views of their own ageing lived, on average, 7.5 years longer than those with negative views, even after accounting for health, wealth, and loneliness.

The heart: How we see ourselves matters. Don’t let the culture’s story become your story. You’re vintage. Only getting better with age. Deeper.

A Better Message

In 2021, the World Health Organization reported that one in two people worldwide hold ageist attitudes toward older people. Ageism limits access to work, health care, and even credit. It’s one of the last prejudices many people still accept without question.

So to the workplaces, the culture, and anyone who thinks we’re done, here’s a better message than “You’ve earned your rest.”

Try this instead:

“You’re not finished. Let me help you keep succeeding, so others can benefit from your experience, your skill, and your hard-won knowledge.”

That isn’t charity. It’s common sense. The research shows that mixed-age teams – Bidirectional Mentoring – make everyone better. Older workers bring judgment, steadiness, and expertise. Younger workers bring energy and fresh eyes. Together, they’re stronger than either alone.

A world that throws away its elders throws away its wisdom.

To My Fellow Sagers

The hardest ageism to fight is the kind we turn on ourselves. “I’m too old to start. Who would want me now? I should step aside.” Becca Levy’s research shows those thoughts aren’t harmless. They’re linked to shorter lives.

So don’t discriminate against yourself. Don’t shrink. Don’t apologize for your years.

I’m 75. I might be moving slower, but my mind is sharp and my creativity is flowing in mighty ways. I’m still creating every day. I know my time is precious, so I live every day as if I have all the time in the world.

Carl Jung said we cannot live the afternoon of life by the program of life’s morning. He was right. The morning was for proving ourselves. The afternoon is for becoming ourselves, and for giving back.

The morning was beautiful. The afternoon is golden.

You are not declining. You are deepening.

Here’s one small step to begin:

Take a piece of paper and write down 3 things you can do now that you couldn’t do at 30. Keep the list where you’ll see it every day and also add to it. Then share one of them with friends and other people. Your truth might be exactly what someone else needs to read or hear today.

Say it with me:

I’m Not Finished Yet.

Sources

• Charles, Reynolds and Gatz, “Age-related differences and change in positive and negative affect over 23 years,” 2001: World Database of Happiness
• Carstensen and Charles on emotional well-being and age: ScienceDaily, 2009
• Grossmann et al., “Reasoning about social conflicts improves into old age,” PNAS, 2010: PubMed Central
• Hartshorne and Germine on abilities peaking at different ages, 2015: British Psychological Society
• Göbel and Zwick on older workers and mixed-age teams: ZEW
• Toussaint et al. and international surveys on older adults during the pandemic: Greater Good, UC Berkeley
• Emmons and McCullough, “Counting blessings versus burdens,” 2003: Washington Post coverage
• Gruenewald et al., Experience Corps trial on generativity, 2015: PubMed Central
• Levy et al. on positive views of ageing and longevity, 2002: Psychiatric News
• WHO Global Report on Ageism, 2021: Human Rights Watch summary
• Carl Jung, “The Stages of Life” (1930), in The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche, Collected Works vol. 8

A Note on How This Daily Was Made

I’m 75, and I’m still learning new tools. I wrote this with the help of Claude, an AI assistant. It helped me organize and check the science. The stories, the beliefs, and the heart are my own. Using new tools to say what I’ve lived feels like Vintageing to me.

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

Please share this Daily.
This is also important – Sagerism – The New Philosophy of Ageing.

#2449