Emotional Regulation – The Space Between
by Michael Feeley
I’ve been thinking about a phrase I just learned: emotional regulation.
It’s new to me, but the idea isn’t. Most of us have spent our lives practicing it without calling it anything.
Here’s what it means to me. Something happens, a feeling rises, and then there’s a small space before I act. Emotional regulation is what I do in that space.
It isn’t about hiding my feelings. It’s about seeing them clearly and then choosing what’s best for my happiness and well-being.
The psychologists have names for how we do it:
- Choosing better situations.
- Moving our attention.
- Changing the story we tell ourselves (reappraisal).
- Letting a feeling simply be (acceptance).
They also warn about bottling things up. A brave face helps for a moment, but the body keeps the score.
My version is simple: Notice. Name. Choose.
Here’s what made me smile with gratitude because I’m 74. Research shows we often get better at this as we age. Scientists call it the “paradox of aging.” We become steadier, less reactive, and clearer about what matters by seeing and shifting our thoughts.
Of course we do. We’ve had a lifetime of practice in that small space.
This is one of the big benefits of ageing, and of Vintageing – getting better with age.
That’s not declining.
That’s deepening.
What do you do in your space between?
Thanks – Michael (he, him)
Please share this Daily.
This matters too – You’ve Got Choices.
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