“Congratulations on your promotion. I guess they’ll promote anyone these days.”

Did you feel that? The initial lift followed by the sharp drop? That’s a backhanded compliment—praise that appears positive but contains an implicit criticism and insult.

Why does this choice for ill will happen? What is the purpose?

Backhanded compliments serve the speaker’s emotional needs rather than genuinely celebrating the other person. They emerge from jealousy and insecurity that drive us to diminish others while maintaining plausible deniability. It’s a selfish, hurtful, petty pleasure.

The need for superiority makes us feel temporarily elevated by subtly trying to lower someone else with disdain.

Passive-aggressive tendencies let us “get back at someone” without direct confrontation.

The term “backhanded” comes from the physical gesture. A backhand strike uses the back of your hand rather than the palm. Historically, a backhanded slap was particularly insulting—it suggested the person wasn’t worth a “proper” slap with the palm. It was pure contempt and dismissal.

This metaphor perfectly captures what happens with words: we’re giving recognition with the “back” of our intent rather than honest, deserved, upfront praise. Give and then take it away immediately.

Backhanded compliments touch on psychology, relationships, and moral choice all at once.

What happens to you as the backhanded messenger?

It reinforces dishonest communication patterns.

It damages relationships and ruins trust.

Most significantly, it makes putting others down your default preference.

Negative over positive. Evil over goodness. Meanness over kindness.

Backhanded compliments diminish both people involved. While they provide narrow temporary relief, they usually leave you feeling smaller—because deep down, most people know when they’ve been unkind.

What are healthier alternatives?

When jealousy strikes, use it as a catalyst for self-development.

Practice genuine support, celebration, and respect—”Congratulations on your promotion. You’ve worked hard for this.”

When you think you need superiority, build self-worth that doesn’t depend on comparison and competition. The urge to diminish others signals insecurity in your own value and calls to the worst things in you – resentment, cruelty, revenge, anger.

When frustration builds, express emotions directly through honest conversations, journaling, or talking with trusted friends.

In social situations, give clean compliments. When you catch yourself adding qualifiers—”This is good work for you”—stop at the positive part. “This is good work” stands alone.

The key is to recognize when you’re using someone else’s moment to manage your own emotions. Make the positive choice. True care and generosity happen when we are sincerely happy for others’ success, offering genuine gratitude and encouragement, empathy, and goodwill, instead of beating them down and out.

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

Please share this Daily with others.
This matters too – The Choice for Contempt or Respect.

#2030