There are people I’m friendly with, but I keep my distance. They like to manage everyone and everything. They like to stir up trouble.

It’s strange how much room we give people we don’t even want around. A short exchange at the market replays for days. A small irritation follows you home. Someone you rarely see starts living in your head.

When my mind gets tied in a knot like this, I ask myself one question:

What do we have in common?

Then I find the facts. We live in the same community. We both like it here. We both work for ourselves. We both hope to make a difference. The knot loosens.

I’m not pretending. I haven’t decided to become their fan, and I’m not excusing how they operate. I still keep my distance.

What I let go of is the case I was building against them, the one that kept them at the center of my thoughts.

Here’s the freedom in it. As long as my peace depends on the other person changing, they hold the key. This question hands the key back to me. I don’t need them to be different. I only need to see the ground we already share.

It’s goodwill you can offer without seeing or speaking to anyone. The work happens inside you, and so does the calm. Often gratitude follows.

If someone confronts me, I begin in the same place: “Tell me this. What do we both agree on?” It’s hard to stay combative while you’re both searching for common footing. Sometimes that opens a better conversation. Sometimes we leave it there. Either way, we agree on something, and that is a positive thing.

This isn’t agreeing to disagree. That ends on the gap. This ends on the ground we share.

Think of someone who ties you in a knot. Now ask: What do we have in common?

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

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This matters too – Get Attention with Goodwill or Ill Will.

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