When I left a job years ago, a lawyer’s letter followed me. It spelled out, in careful detail, everything I could not do and what would happen to me if I did.

I’ll admit it shook me up. I felt afraid and weak.

That was the point. Letters like that are meant to intimidate, bully, and control. They’re built to travel with you and sit in your mind at your new desk, whispering, “Watch out. Be careful. Be small.”

Fear mongers hand you a picture and let your imagination do the rest. They use you against yourself.

Before I started my first day at the new job, I showed the company the letter. I wanted to be honest and transparent. They read it and reassured me it was merely a scare tactic. We moved forward, and nothing ever came of it.

Fear created on purpose depends on the dark. Bring it into the light, and it loses its grip.

Alfred Adler, the Austrian psychiatrist, helps explain why people do this. He believed all of us carry feelings of inferiority, and all of us strive to rise above them. Most of us do that by growing. Some can’t bear the feeling, so they cover it up by acting big. Adler called it the superiority complex. The fear monger says, “See how strong I am?” Underneath, they feel fake. They tremble.

If Adler is right that we all carry that feeling, then the urge lives in us, too. A raised voice. A pointed warning. “You’ll be sorry if…” It’s worth noticing when we reach for fear instead of trust.

Adler offered another way, which he called social interest: belonging, contributing, caring about others. Caring is the word I’ve built my life on. Fear mongers seek significance by taking. We can seek it by giving.

Not every threat is empty. If you truly feel unsafe, get help from a lawyer, the police, or people you trust. Sharing it is still the first step.

Years help. What once shook me now looks clearer, sooner. I recognize the tactic when I see it. Fear being used as a weapon.

Yes. Be careful with people who create fear. Steer clear when you can. When you can’t, name it and share it: This is intimidation. It’s meant to make you shrink.

Honesty and seeing these people, and their harmful purpose, clearly keep you full-sized.

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

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This is also important – Get Attention with Goodwill or Ill Will.

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