Yesterday I wrote about competing and collaborating, and the choice we each have.

Today, a harder question. Do you know what those words mean to you?

We rarely define things. We hear a word, accept it, and think we know. Then we act on a meaning someone else handed us.

Who taught you what competition means?

I was always competitive. That included slinging mud and doing whatever it took to win. I was good at it. Too good.

I was running on the wrong energy. Ill will. No care for the other person, only my triumph.

I was praised for my wins. I was ashamed of how I got them. It left me depleted. Unhappy.

Change began when I decided on my purpose and asked what the end result would be. Above all: how will I respect myself?

I talked to people in my industry I respected. One of them told me that if I worked to have goodwill for my colleagues, to have a good hope for them, and sincerely wish them success, I would feel better. And even win more clients.

It sounded crazy to me. It was hard work. But I was willing to try, because I didn’t like myself for how I competed.

It worked.

I came to have a clear and active hope that the people I competed with would do their best. And if they won, I was for it. For their success, not their destruction.

Without knowing it, I had redefined competition. From ill will to goodwill.

Stephen Covey names these two energies in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: the scarcity mentality and the abundance mentality. Scarcity sees life as one pie, where your slice shrinks mine. Abundance believes there is plenty for everyone. Win-lose grows out of the first. Win-win out of the second.

Collaboration needs defining too. Many of us quietly define it as losing: compromise, slower work, lost credit. So we avoid it.

Define both for yourself. Write it down.

Why do I compete?

What does collaboration mean to me? Giving in? Or building something I could never build alone?

What am I afraid will run out?

Here are mine today. I compete to do my best without beating others out or down. I collaborate with others to build something good that benefits people.

Until you define a word, someone else’s meaning is running your choices.

Now it’s your turn. Define. Then act on it.

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

Please share this Daily.
This also matters – Your Choice for Steady Goodwill.

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