Vanity creates venom. Not metaphorically, but actually—like a biological process.

We’ve all felt it. That little rush when a rival stumbles. The subtle satisfaction when someone’s success gets diminished. The temptation to make ourselves feel bigger by making someone else smaller. That’s venom starting to flow.

Not all vanity is poisonous. Some healthy self-regard and self-respect is just… ordinary. Sincere care for self and others. We like how we look, we’re proud of what we’ve accomplished, we enjoy recognition and others’ success. We have confidence and poise. Harmless enough.

But there’s another kind. The kind that’s aggressive and dominating. Where you need control over others so you can feel exceptional. The kind that can’t celebrate someone else’s win because it threatens your carefully constructed superiority. The kind that reaches for criticism, undermining, or subtle put-downs to maintain your inflated sense of self.

The more our ego depends on being “better than,” the more venom we must produce. We can’t just be good—others have to be bad. We can’t just succeed—others have to fail. It’s a zero-sum game where we believe someone else’s shine dims our own, and we choose contempt over respect.

This is the opposite of kindness. Kind choices come from abundance: “There’s enough for all of us. Live and let live.” Ego-driven, venomous choices come from scarcity: “I can only be important if you’re less than me.”

The question worth asking: Which one am I choosing today?

When someone shares good news, do I genuinely celebrate, or do I find ways to diminish it? When someone succeeds, can I be happy for them, or do I need to remind everyone (including myself) why I’m still superior? Always right. When I feel self-doubt and hunger for external validation, do I reach for venom to feel powerful again?

We all have moments of vanity. The choice is what we do with it. Do we let it curdle into venom—the cutting remark, the dismissive comparison, the need to make our moment about their inadequacy? Or do we choose the kinder path? Goodwill and honest celebration for others’ happiness and successes.

The one that says there’s enough room for all of us to be exceptional.

The one that leads with good, not venom.

That choice is ours, every single day.

Thanks – Michael (he, him)

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This matters too – Goodwill is a Choice.

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