Kindness and Silence
by Michael Feeley
You’re being attacked. Someone at work, in your community, relentlessly pushing every button you have. Your body wants to fight back. Your mind rehearses the perfect comeback. And kindness says: don’t.
Not because you’re weak. Because you’re strategic.
Real kindness is the hard assessment that this person—unstable, unwell in ways you can’t diagnose—will only escalate if you engage. Your response becomes their fuel. Your silence? That’s the kindness you’re giving yourself.
Watch. Assess. Say little.
This isn’t passive. You’re gathering information while they reveal themselves. You’re protecting your energy while they spend theirs.
Ask yourself: What kind of attention do I actually want here? What outcome am I hoping for? Because if what you want is resolution, vindication, or peace, fighting back rarely delivers.
Instead, document. Quietly reach out to trusted friends, your boss, HR, community leaders, maybe a lawyer. Map your options. Build your case if you need one. Let the struggle clarify what matters and what doesn’t.
The strongest thing you can do when someone attacks is refuse to become them. Stay centered. Stay logical. Grounded with all the emotions racing inside. Let their instability expose itself while your stability speaks for itself.
Kindness doesn’t always look gentle. Sometimes it’s fierce and gentle wisdom knowing when to fight, how to fight—and when staying whole matters more than being right.
Perhaps the hardest questions are:
How long does strategic silence last before it becomes enabling?
When does kindness to yourself require you to fight back?
Thanks – Michael (he, him)
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This matters too – Kindness to Self and Others.
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