Are You True or False to Yourself?
by Michael Feeley
HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU GONE SOMEWHERE, met new people and felt uncomfortable, smiling outwardly but you weren’t really being yourself?
It’s hard to show your feelings or thoughts to other people. You hide and hold back.
You hold back out of fear, self-doubt and lack of trust that you won’t be liked.
What if you make a mistake and say something weird or out of place?
It’s like a trick because it isn’t who you are or how you want to be.
Other times you’re entirely present. Totally fascinated and wrapped up in listening to another person, feeling related and at ease, fully sharing what you think. You feel good. It’s a gift. A treat, if you will. You’re being YOU.
Which experience truly stands for who you are and how you want to live?
Who are you?
Every person I Coach is looking to transform their life and work.
They want to know themselves better, to be authentic, integrated and whole.
Are you true or false to yourself?
Recently in a Career Coaching Session Angie Cain passionately and tearfully said —
‘I’m a different person at work than I am in the rest of my life. I want to be my true self everywhere I am.’
It’s a challenging process to want to know your SELF. It takes work and courage. And, it’s wonderful and fulfilling to try. Something you’ll strive for and participate in all the rest of your life.
The desire to know – who you are – is one of our deepest desires. It gives you purpose and direction to move forward, releasing fears and doubts.
What’s your evidence?
You already know lots of things about who you are — the facts and core ideas of what you stand for and how you live your life. It’s embedded in you. It’s your foundation. It comes from your life experience.
Right now — List One Core Value You Live By. Something at your center that really matters to you.
I AM _____________________________________________________
[Maybe you’re: honest – logical – reliable – creative – giving – joyful – kind – energetic – truthful ]
Why does this value express the essence of who you truly are?
– Give the unquestionable facts. Present the evidence. Give examples from your life.
– Produce the truth just as you would your birth certificate to verify who you are; your passport, driver’s license, documents of where you live and work. This is the truth about you — your authenticity.
What I’m saying is this — The answer or answers are crucial to defining who you are at the deepest, most intimate, complex and pure center of your being.
Disruption gives you a chance
Disruption at any age is painful but as you mature and grow older, the hope and need for stability, security, good health and emotional balance become a greater priority. It’s something you have worked for and looked towards most of your life.
My whole life was disrupted when the company I worked at for 13 years suddenly closed. I felt lost not working in an office every day, not talking to clients and helping people with their careers. I didn’t see it right away but the disruption was a gift for me, no matter how badly wrapped. It was my gift to focus and re-center and re-balance myself. It was a reNEWall and transformation opportunity for ME.
Here’s what I learned about myself – my truth – as I left the stressful, hectic work life of New York City.
- I began having new emotions. One morning I saw a red cardinal standing in sunlight on grey pebbles in the driveway. I was caught and really moved by his sheer beauty and simplicity. I stood there for a long time looking and being so happy that I felt something. My heart was opening.
- My mind was working better. It was calmer, clearer, more flexible, open, deeper. My vocabulary was growing or rather, coming back. For so long I had used words and phrases to communicate and didn’t think about what I was saying.
‘Awesome…Cool…WOW!…No Kidding…Checking In…Touching Base…Later’.
- I started reading again. I read books by Martha Beck, Libby Gill, Deepak Chopra, Byron Katie. All about finding your destiny, getting unstuck, discovering your true self and I couldn’t put them down. I was learning new things about myself and what stopped me from having the life I most wanted. If there were exercises to do, I did them all. Digging deep into myself and questioning who I was and how I lived. Hours of intense, joyful self-exploration and change!
- My health improved. I slept better, ate better (not fast at my desk), lost weight, started to sing out loud! Earlier I had pushed myself to succeed, meeting every task the company set. I bought into selling myself out. Diminishing my gifts and my potential. BUT…They were all my choices. I could have changed at any time and that is a tough but valuable lesson to learn.
We make choices about how to live our lives and we are in complete control. SO…
- I made new choices…
— to consciously slow down and work on being patient.
— to kick my ego around and really THINK about my friends and other people.
— to be present and not split up in 20 directions.
— to find out exactly what I wanted to do and do it.
— and to focus on my gratitude for my life.
When you value your SELF or ‘treat’ yourself well, you become – confident, generous, positive, vibrantly alert and alive.
That is what Angie Cain said Life Coaching was doing for her – ‘Increasing my world view and value’.
Personal integrity is the most important thing to me. Expressing myself honestly; standing up for myself and what I believe in and want for other people and the world.
– Integrity is living your life at the highest of personal and world values.
– It’s being honest and authentic with yourself.
– Being the same everywhere you go – at home, work, with friends.
– It’s knowing who you are and living the fact that YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!
You make choices to live authentically; to sincerely be who you are or to be fake.
It’s ongoing, beautiful and precious work being you. You do it because you believe in your SELF and…because you deserve it. It’s your life and you only get one chance to live the very best life you can. Make it magnificent.
Allow yourself to be who you are.
In his essay, How to Tell the Difference between Your True Self and Our Everyday Self,
Deepak Chopra M.D., scholar and world author creates vital awareness for each of us — the choice you each have to truly be your SELF without tricks or fear so you can live the truth and be large, comfortable and happy.
“The true self isn’t a familiar term to most people, although it is close to what religion calls your soul, the purest part of yourself…the trick is distinguishing what is your true self and what is not…There are moments when you feel secure, accepted, peaceful and certain. At these moments you’re experiencing your true self. True is certain and clear. Everyday is leading to confusion. The true self is driven by a deep sense of truth. The everyday self is driven by ego, the unending demand of ‘I’, Me, Mine.”
You can absolutely find your self
You have the sincere and powerful ability to discover and create your true self.
It’s not impossible. As a matter of fact you are yourself right now. It may take a bit of digging and some decisions and a few changes but the real you is right there. It waits for you and is open to connect with you immediately.
Begin by seeing what qualities and emotions you honestly want in your life. Find what’s missing for you and start to add them in.
Also, see what’s already working well for you and what doesn’t.
It’s not a trick. You’re not putting something on the surface like a mask or a phony smile. You’re deep feeding your genuine nature and loving presence, so it will grow and increase. It’s like coming home after being away. You feel good.
Think about kindness for a moment — Is being kind your true nature or is it being mean?
If you choose to work on being kind, kindness will most certainly thrive and come out of you.
It’s the same desire as learning French or how to play the trumpet. It’s a real desire and want for you. It takes practice, concentration daily but after a while it happens naturally. It becomes part of you. It works because you want French and trumpet in your life. You like it. It expresses you. It is you. It’s the truth.
Innovative modern dancer and choreographer Martha Graham expresses it so well –
‘I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or
learn to live by practicing living. The principles are the same.’
The majority of us were created and already packaged with everything we need to live in this world — millions of feelings, emotions and possibilities inside of us. Over time that changes because we make choices about people and the world; how we’re seen and treated and what we think will truly take care of us and make us happy.
Sometimes we stop ourselves with fear.
– fear of winning or success.
– fear of stepping out of our own comfort.
– fear of taking risks.
– fear of change.
We limit our self with our choices and we go away from our true brilliance and perfection and glory.
I share with you one of my favorite writings by spiritual teacher, author and lecturer – Marianne Williamson from her book, A Return to Love. It’s powerful and surprisingly expresses what we deeply and passionately want and what will have us be our true SELF.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of the universe that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Happiness and success should be yours but not at the cost of lessening or neglecting who you truly are.
No tricks. No faking. Simple honesty and openness is all it takes.
That’s the greatest gift and care you can give yourself. The profound pleasure and knowledge of being able to say — this is who I am.
Go ahead — throw yourself right into your self.
What are you waiting for?
Thanks – Michael
Also take a look at – How To Become Best Friends With Your Inner Critic.
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